It was just past four o’clock on an early-summer afternoon. As i was feeling rather droopy after a particularly rough and seemingly unproductive workday, i mercifully allowed myself a few precious moments to tenderly tone down into a lower-key state of sense-appreciation and possibly improve my dispiriting humor.
Resting the fatigued jolly ol’ bag of bones on one of my dining room’s aspiring-vintage French round fabric side chairs, i drew a couple of deep sighs of contented relief and was on my merry way to dozing off into dreamland oblivion when a completely unannounced—though clearly programmed—autocratic posture adjustment shocked me into an upright position.
Suddenly standing there like a pointless scarecrow in the middle of a dried-up cornfield, i couldn’t help but let out an involuntary gasp as my moderately kyphotic backbone’s inferior projection unexpectedly took on a life of its own, boldly protruding a few inches downward between my quivering pegs before decoupling itself from spinal mother ship altogether.
Lean and mean, straight as an arrow, surely, steadily, the detached spearhead-shaped outgrowth then pierced right through the walnut brown faux wood flooring beneath me and drilled past successive blankets, cores, and mantles of volatility, leaving in its wake the astounding sight of a glimmering, multihued spinoff thread, enveloped by the mollifying shadows of a pitch-black, bottomless abyss.
i barely had time to gawk down at the gaping hole in dazed-and-confused disbelief, as the remainder of my astonished perceptiveness was irresistibly sucked down the recently formed wormhole toward a distant underground realm, an outlandish here-now framework that i could only assume was somewhere near the center—if not at the very center—of our beloved blue marble.
Down and down and down i went—aliveness and all—precipitously ferried along the supernaturally forged artery, until eventually my moony consciousness detected traces of igneous luminescence appearing at the far reaches of the otherworldly pit below me. Great. A light at the end of the tunnel.
As i further descended into the not-exactly-hollow hollowness, the small bit of shimmering glare swiftly grew to become a discernably circular opening, from which sprang up a generously proportioned shaft of vibrant daylight glow. A little while longer and i was slipping through the discoidal doorway, dumbfoundedly witnessing in stupefied stupefaction as the fairly phobic parturient environment was fleetly replaced with a ginormous Arnie Saknussemm-like chamber, where fluorescent rocky skies handsomely lit an expanse of solid ice a decent way under my dangling feet.
Easing down along the diffused remnants of tailbone trail, i was able to distinguish the particulars of a flamboyant bluish-white environment, rich in chromatic exuberance, luxuriantly bewitching my ever-migrating cornea-based perspective. As i gloriously landed on the skiddy surface of that glacial sea, i noticed the air was surprisingly warm. i looked down and saw my rebellious coccyx, lifeless, back to its original size and shape, lying on the icy ground. i picked it up and snapped it back into place. i looked around. Far in the distance, i was able to make out a fascinating cavernous feature—some variety of oversized Tafone-like formation—burrowed into the concave stonework that defined the massive dome enclosing that deity-given setting. Naturally, this royal i-ness and its curious selfie just had to get there.
And so, i awkwardly shambled across the icy field for a while and, after quite a few ungraceful wipeouts, reached the mouth of the cave, where fortunately the slick ice gave way to less problematic terrain. The mellow murmuring undertone of running water tenderly chaperoned me as i cautiously ventured past the alluring hollow’s wide, bulbous entrance and into a darkening corridor, its peculiarly polished walls elegantly adorned with scattered traces of mildly glittering silver, clear quartz, rustic emerald, and pale-colored feldspar.
It was not long before i was surrounded by restful obscurity. Relying solely on my less-than-effulgent intimate splendor, i clumsily groped along the drafty boulevard until i reached a cozy, balmy, reasonably well-lit chamber. Setting foot into the rock-ribbed hall, i was able to identify the silhouette of a gentleman, just up ahead, tirelessly working at a large black marble table. Directly connected to Mother Earth’s bowels, a carved fiery opening by his side remained brightly ablaze, providing the lighting for the space as well as (undoubtedly) all the power and insight he needed for his creative endeavors.
Sensing my presence, the Hephaestian entity turned my way and waved his left hand, lovingly inviting me to approach and rest me relatively weary behind on a stone bench next to him. i silently took a seat and observed, in flaming curiosity, the industrious avatar. i could sense deep, invisible radiant energy softly emanating from his glistening figure. A long, pearly gray shock of hair clung sweatily to his partially concealed visage, lending an extra layer of profundity to his genuinely contemplative mien.
As i hung loose on the hard bench, i was able to catch a more detailed glimpse of the scene around me. To my left, on the ground, sparsely speckled ruby crystals flickered with the nearby flames. To my right, an assemblage of hefty stalagmites and stalactites meaningfully, though acausally, designed in an up-and-down, down-and-up maze that gradually faded into gloomy blackness. Behind me, a fortuitous spurt of fresh water exposed the flared vivacity of a buried stream for a gnomic interim, before again hiding among the naturally chiseled formations and continuing, unhindered, its interminable hypogeal course.
Well acquainted with the vicinity, saturated and satisfied, my attention spontaneously wandered back to the laboring character beside me as he toiled away carefully, confidently, diligently. Big-eyed, i watched as he vigorously splattered a large clump of steaming red clay on his solid marble table and started giving it shape. i marveled at the exquisite sculpture taking form before my bewildered soul, and felt a mild rush of self-adulation when i noticed the clear-cut crimson structure arising from the scalding blob actually resembled my humble habitus.
In fact, as the skilled sculptor continued to moil incessantly, i began to feel i was simultaneously undergoing an inner reshaping, faithfully conducted by an all-too-desirable string of word-phrase complementarities, delicately whispered into my ears, again and again and again: security—sink in; prudence—feels right; home—at ease. Bit by bit, a strange fluency infused my wearying nervous system, and i gently gave in to the inescapability of that charming lunar daze . . . .
Soon, however, my elated trance was interrupted when i realized—with a gust of coarse excitement—that my highly pliable clay golem likeness had been completed and had come to life! At that very moment, i was jerked by a compelling ray of white light, which instantly radiated across my entire cellular network and unconditionally touched the utmost depth of my inherently compassionate self. i gathered all my courage, got up, embraced that quintessential image of myself, and just yielded in unadulterated bliss as its impeccable ka overwhelmingly permeated this bodymind to the very source of being. Then the image was gone. Just like that.
Filled to the brim with a newly patented personal mythology, i subtly glanced at my archetypal host. An inner smile emerged. i knew what needed to be done. Gentle nods met in mutual acknowledgement. i slowly walked to the exposed cold-water creek behind me, stepped into its colorless drift, and unreservedly followed the exhilaratingly inviting aqua pura flow as it disappeared into a snuggly hole in the good Earth.
There i was. Dissolved, but reinvented. Structureless, but integrated. Surrendering to the intensifying H2O current, i was guided into a handful of narrowing twists and turns—ceaseless channels of potentiality within the subterranean foundation—that quickly turned the soothing ride into a fast and furious furor. The pressure intensified more and more. Before long i was moving way too fast. Before long everything was too tight. Birth-canal tight. Before long i was feeling very uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. i most definitely wanted out of that messy scenario. h-oh. Been there. Done that.
Finally, in a jet-propelled burst of relief, my sorry derrière was abruptly delivered—along with a whole lot of gravel-packed amniotic goo—out of the dark constriction and into open air, the bombastic event forcefully culminating in a series of reactive somersaults that ultimately led to a never-to-be-forgotten plunge into a previously unregistered crystal-clear piscina below.
As i weightlessly unwound in the who-knows-where cool pool, that all-familiar airiness of being gracefully started taking over, and pretty soon i was no more. Pretty soon there was only stillness, only quietude, only peacefulness . . . .
Boom!! In a snippity-snap, back i was in my dearly beloved dining room. The gaping burrow had vanished. Startled, i shook my sleepy legs, stretched my achy body for a long, long, long time, sighed extra-deeply, and right about then, someone knocked at the front door.